The Devil's Beatitudes

Many people should be familiar with what has been termed The Beatitudes, the "blessed" passages of the Bible. Please read them in Matthew Chapter 5, verses 1 to 12.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
虛心的人有福了！因為天國是他們的。
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
哀慟的人有福了！因為他們必得安慰。
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
溫柔的人有福了！因為他們必承受地土。
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
飢渴慕義的人有福了！因為他們必得飽足。
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
憐恤人的人有福了！因為他們必蒙憐恤。
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
清心的人有福了！因為他們必得見　神。
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
使人和睦的人有福了！因為他們必稱為　神的兒子。
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
為義受逼迫的人有福了！因為天國是他們的。
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
人若因我辱罵你們，逼迫你們，捏造各樣壞話毀謗你們，你們就有福了！應當歡喜快樂，因為你們在天上的賞賜是大的。在你們以前的先知，人也是這樣逼迫他們。

Now, Take a look at The Devil's Beatitudes
「魔鬼八福」

Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians - they are my best workers.
「無暇聚會的人有福了！他們是我的部下。」
Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked - I can use them.
「期待別人稱讚的人有福了！我用得著他們。」
Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church - they are my missionaries.
「臭脾氣的人有福了！他們動輒不返教會，是我的宣教士。」
Blessed are the trouble makers - they shall be called my children.
「愛生事端的人有福了！他們得稱為我的兒女。」
Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears to them.
「愛埋怨的人有福了！我必垂聽他們。」
Blessed are those who are bored with the minister's mannerisms and mistakes - for they get nothing out of his sermons.
「愛挑剔教會的人有福了！他們必繼承我在地獄裡的產業。」
Blessed are those who gossip - for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.
「愛講閒話的人有福了！他們是我的偵探。」
Blessed is he who has not time to pray; for he shall be easy prey for me.
「無閒禱告的人有福了！他們是我的獵物。」

Blessed are you who, when you read this think it is about other people and not yourself - I've got you too!
「如果你聽了這些話，覺得我在說其他人，而與你無關的話，你就有福了！因為你已經是我的人了。」